Forlorn, forlorn
Like a homeless person.
Most people have plenty.
I'm the one that's poor,
a fool right through.
Ignorant, ignorant.
Most people are so bright.
I'm the one that's dull.
Most people are so keen.
I don't have the answers.
Everybody has something to do.
I'm the clumsy one, out of place.
I'm the different one,
for my food
is the milk of the mother.
Book of Virtue, Chapter 20
2005-12-07
For a while I was happy. Then this week I was not. US History and Literature are probably the culprit again. I didn't do my reading for Literature, so I failed the pop quiz. I didn't even look at spark notes. Today I at least looked at spark notes, but I'm going to have to read the book before my literary essay is due. Good news is the teacher'll let me rewrite my last literary essay. I liked that book better, but the current one is ok I guess.
My US History semester paper is floundering. But the main problem is that my teacher thinks I don't care. I have that vague blank look on my face only to keep myself from "releasing my emotions," as that wouldn't be a pretty sight. The last deadline I handed in a piece of crap, and she is visibly angry about that. And that I can't take. As I'm a very pitiful person, one that must always be loved by everyone. Thus is my goal in life it seems, to make others happy. I can't deal with people angry with me, I don't know how to.
Yesterday I was angry, and that filled up the emptyness for a while. But that passed when my classmate forgave me. I have so much courseload to do. And I took a 4 hour nap today.
The I'm most saddened by a new development just today. I used to be proud of being able to sing C2 ambitus. But that was only in the 10-15 minutes after waking up, and only ambitus and very quietly, and always a little bit sharp, maybe C1/2#2. Normally I can only sing C#2 or D2 ambitus. And tessitura I only have E2. Then I find out today that this one short kid in my chorus can sing B1 tessitura, at all times. That sonofabitch can sing B1. I must practice every morning in an attempt to increase my lower range, and that SOB has it naturally. And it leads me to believe that several other members of my section also have C2 or B1 or even Bb1. But I'm afraid to ask because they're all older than me (except for this one guy I'm talking about). I'm still a better singer than him, mainly because I have upper range, but not enough to even be a baritone, but still more than him. God dammit! I don't even know if I should continue working on it, and just let my C# and D just go away (I naturally/originally have only D#2)
Oh, and then the chorus leader told me I was messing up my section by coming in wrong, so I shouldn't sing in the entrances as we're too close to the performance to fix anything.
May these things be forgotten.
My US History semester paper is floundering. But the main problem is that my teacher thinks I don't care. I have that vague blank look on my face only to keep myself from "releasing my emotions," as that wouldn't be a pretty sight. The last deadline I handed in a piece of crap, and she is visibly angry about that. And that I can't take. As I'm a very pitiful person, one that must always be loved by everyone. Thus is my goal in life it seems, to make others happy. I can't deal with people angry with me, I don't know how to.
Yesterday I was angry, and that filled up the emptyness for a while. But that passed when my classmate forgave me. I have so much courseload to do. And I took a 4 hour nap today.
The I'm most saddened by a new development just today. I used to be proud of being able to sing C2 ambitus. But that was only in the 10-15 minutes after waking up, and only ambitus and very quietly, and always a little bit sharp, maybe C1/2#2. Normally I can only sing C#2 or D2 ambitus. And tessitura I only have E2. Then I find out today that this one short kid in my chorus can sing B1 tessitura, at all times. That sonofabitch can sing B1. I must practice every morning in an attempt to increase my lower range, and that SOB has it naturally. And it leads me to believe that several other members of my section also have C2 or B1 or even Bb1. But I'm afraid to ask because they're all older than me (except for this one guy I'm talking about). I'm still a better singer than him, mainly because I have upper range, but not enough to even be a baritone, but still more than him. God dammit! I don't even know if I should continue working on it, and just let my C# and D just go away (I naturally/originally have only D#2)
Oh, and then the chorus leader told me I was messing up my section by coming in wrong, so I shouldn't sing in the entrances as we're too close to the performance to fix anything.
May these things be forgotten.
