the sum of my fears:
will white boys fuck me if im asian and inexperienced?

if the gideons can put bibles in hotel rooms,
can a similar organization put condoms in hotel rooms?
if you can't put condoms, why can you put bibles?

alcoholedu.com self-quote:

"My family''s attitude was mixed: in social contexts it ok, but during weekdays and in response to stress no amount is ok. The differing attitudes between my parents gives me the perspective of both sides. I have never associated drinking with coolness, especially beer; I''ve associated it with the 70s (and old age), with fatness, and with unhygienicness. Real (ie, Olympic) athletes are associated with drug-free sobriety."

relative: cisgender homosexual
absolute: androphilic XY-man

why i believe in Agapē (αγάπη) at first sight.
it was at a modern art museum in venezia.
he was white and possibly british, shorter than me.
italy is full of beautiful people, and this one didnt stand out in that respect.
there was no Érōs (ἔρως), so no πριαπισμός or desire for sex. and no Philia (φιλία), which must be cultivated.
but i felt a strange calmness and non-sexual attraction.
i know at once that i wouldnt mind spending the rest of my life with this person, a person i did not know. i know it sounds silly. and perhaps when i got to know him, the Agapē might go away if he's a jerk or not into me, or be turned into ie, Philia.
when i left i didnt feel superficially sad like the withdrawal i feel when a subject of Érōs at first sight leaves my sight. i just felt a stillness, like it was enough to just have met this person. perhaps it was a deeper and less physical sadness, similar to sadness for the woes of the world.

i think it was hormonal, but not testosterone,
because i forget the feeling now,
but for a while afterwards i could recall the feeling but by thinking about the experience, similar to the 3 epic dreams i had in pubescence, and the 10 epic (in a different way) movies i watched at the beginning of this summer.

how to lose a guy in ten days 3 stars,
but still now one of my favorites, probably for the actors.
her falling in love and hesitancy wasnt portrayed well, though i liked both characters ALOT--good people they were, none of this complicated crap.
but the ending dialogue was weakly written, in fact most of the dialogue was somewhat subpar in cleverness.

shaun of the dead 3 stars also,
didnt like it as much as i thought i would
dont really like british humor i guess--like the movie paparatzi and spinal tap i didnt like.
started off really really slowly, but there were a few VERY funny laugh out loud moments.

XY-male-androphile

such terminology makes it harder to divide society into heteronormative and LGBT.
but perhaps such division is one (and only) goal both groups share.

labels.
i am a

1. XY,
2. male,
3. androphile.

these are good ways to describe yourself, not labels, but descriptions.
i like the term LGBT because it's unbiased and unemotional.
it fits into my ideal of the nameless, because it's not a name--it's a description, like "14th street."
i dont understand why people take labels so seriously;
empirically, in my experience, people that don't care if you mispronounce their name are more enlightened or intelligent.

having labels that change every 5 years is confusing, and causes people to be numbed and unreceptive.

rejecting LGBT because T stands for transgendered, and youre transsexual or intersexed requires a high level of seriousness. rejecting "homosexual" because you consider yourself female (though XY) also requires a serious demenour, since homosexual is defined as a XX/XX or XY/XY relationship.

[edit 8/21/07]
sex choices: 1) XX/XXX/X/etc, 2) XY/XYY/XXY/etc, 3) intersex
sexuality choices: 1) androphile, 2) gynephile, 3) bisexual, 4) asexual
gender identity choices: 1) male, 2) female, 3) other

Future sexual discriminants:

I would do anything to have you.
But it's ok.
You know how it is.
After being in the closet so long
you learn how to forget,
how to let go of what you want.
What's one more?

the case for 4 syllable pronunciation of "het'rosexual":
symmetry!

1 syllable neutral terms: gay, straight
2 syllable pejorative terms: faggot, breeder
5 syllable clinical terms: homosexual, het'rosexual

jeremiad means two different things depending on context.

ie, gay jeremiad would probably mean a sad gay-bashing story,
but a christian jeremiad would probably mean an angry christian tirade.

flyboys (2006)

lookalikes:
Martin Henderson (I) ~ Martin Duchovny
Philip Winchester ~ Tahmoh Penikett

i do not tolerate "one up" or "zero sum" mentality,
or social "hyper-rational" / economic irrationality.
(see recent Economist testosterone economics article)

does that make me slightly misandronist like my father's slightly misogynist.
probably more classist than anything,
since i consider "economically irrational one up/zero sum mentality"
to be a class razor.
it is also a selfish meme
(self perpetuating but not superrationally advantageous).

this classist-misandrony seems to be linked to all my beef in life,
(ie, caste, self-indulgence)

speaking of class razor,
gender differentiation in conversation is another:
in my community there is very little difference in conversational topic between men and women--religion, politics, family guy, etc.
but i observe a conversational gender barrier
in non-intellectuals: women gossip and men banter/talk about sports.

even spam is heteronomative!
fucking heteronormative spam.