i recently have been sad because i dont have a boyfriend. ive noticed this fact since i gave up slump-busters the weekend before thanksgiving. i havent had any sex since then. as it were, all but 2 of all the sex i have ever had so far have been slump-busters. of those 2, one guy turned out not as great as i hoped, and the other was my huge crush--and it was a slump-buster for him.
no one does what i do--hook up with people you are not attracted to just to have sex. even michael ryba, my crush who indulged me, didn't go that far. and this is one of the most powerful methods of improving yourself, identifying anomalous behavior and then determining if it's justified xor you should conform. perhaps it is better my crushes don't indulge me if they're not interested--else I would really be unhealthily out of my head.
please note, i use slump-buster not to mean sex after a long dry spell, but instead hooking up with someone you are not attracted to (perhaps just to have some fun, to indulge the other person, or to get your rocks off).
i just realized that Scotty Hardwig lied to me, partially. He said I'm not his type because I'm not a bottom; Ryan said I'm not Scotty's type because I'm too tall. The former is true indeed, the latter bullshit, but none of that matters because *I'm not white.* Scotty has only dated white men. Ryba is similarly only attracted to white men. thus they are perfect for each other. i have said this before, and i shall reiterate, both of them epitomize a gay fantasy--the cute, quiet white boy from small town USA.
why am i sad i dont have a boyfriend?
-im just wasting time thinking about this because im bored; during finals week i wasted time thinking about this because i was stressed (ie, procrastinating)
-i have been happy before, regardless of being single
-people can be really happy celibate
-part of the trick is to masturbate enough but *not too much*
-i have to have confidence that i will find a boy who loves me whom i am more than just marginally attracted to
-in the mean time, i need to be happy because no one wants a depressed boy
-in the mean time, i need to train for crew, and try to get rid of my acne
-in the mean time, i need to try to fix my grades (a high income might attract me a boy one day)
-i can be happy on fridays by masturbating during the day, and dancing at night
-don't think of it as waiting, think of it as keeping your options open
-you can have meaningless hookups, as long as im attracted to them (i might not be wired for this though)
2008-06-21
i made a mistake emailing jared c j. then i made another mistake leaving him a voicemail. but it is ok because i fixed it by not corresponding further.
i have found that i dont pursue someone with more than two correspondences. the last time i was in a position to pursue someone was in January (or December? November?) with mike r.
such is life.
matt w pursued me with two correspondences (text messages) i recall. i didnt reply so as not to lead him on.
i should have text messaged him. and then i could have called him and NOT have left a message with my 2nd socially alloted correspondence. but let bygones be bygones.
my priorities are and should be
to work out,
to make money,
to clear my acne,
to prepare for the school year.
starting friday add to that the priority of learning german.
i have found that i dont pursue someone with more than two correspondences. the last time i was in a position to pursue someone was in January (or December? November?) with mike r.
such is life.
matt w pursued me with two correspondences (text messages) i recall. i didnt reply so as not to lead him on.
i should have text messaged him. and then i could have called him and NOT have left a message with my 2nd socially alloted correspondence. but let bygones be bygones.
my priorities are and should be
to work out,
to make money,
to clear my acne,
to prepare for the school year.
starting friday add to that the priority of learning german.
