things of which i have not let go...

the condescendingness of one and her double
how one would not get a facebook when i asked, but would when her friends as "math camp" did
the unneccessary rudeness of an enforcer (much ruder than another enforcer with more legitimacy)

(may) my only regret be to have never seen and never see penn station.

I'm embarrassed that in response to criticism yesterday:

• insighted probable motivations: 50% jelousy 15-25% patronizing concern 25% perception of a expectation/need/obligation concern 0-10% to cause regret and ruin my cool (out of envy) -- is this ok sometimes? is it the false authority, the proclimation of it, or the insighting itself bad?
• concidered non-yielding action such as ignoring/avoiding them
• wanted to defensively say: "are you saying that as perverse advise or for your own benefit" ...if advice, "then ill take it under advisement"; anything else, "so its for you own benefit? ok"
• wanted to defensively say: "I dont need to defend myself, but you do... I'm not trying to convince you" after "you can't defend yourself"
• was defensive by citing 96 test average
• was non-stoic -- annoyed, upset, defensive, proving their correctness

The correct course of action is:

• consider what aspect of ME motivated them (if others dont similarly; should I consider whether those motivations similarly motivate others or is that outside-of-oneself ?)
• not go out of my way to seek companionship - to lower stress (aka stay my course)
  
• contemplate the causes of my deiviation
  
• let go and regret not

Is perhaps the question of enlightened response moot because the enlightened are never in such a situation (similar to the alpha male thing)?

i just realized last 刻 that a good definition of "friend" is one with whom you cannot pass in the hall without briefly trading words or touch - nodding (especially the upward nod) does not count.

interestingly, the people i see less often are the ones i am more likely to be "friends" with. i could amend the definition but i dont think the definition is mistaken.

today i found i could not carry a meaningful conversation with some classmates, perhaps because they are adhds, and i try too hard for conversation to be coherent.